I'm working on seriously revamping this blog. I have been slacking quite a bit and realize that I have so many College stories to tell!
First things first: I officially have a 4.0 GPA :) yay me! secondly, I finally got something I've been wanting since I lost it the first time back at the beginning of my senior year in High school. My ex boyfriend and I are finally back together. We had agreed upon seeing other people back then because both of us were so young and we wanted to make sure we were right for each other. We each had another relationship after that and for both of us, those were a mistake. But now we have reconnected and it's the real deal. His mom cried when she found out that we were back together :) happy tears of course. and my parents have never been happier either.
Life is looking good :)
Starting with my next post I will try to keep this blog less personal and more entertaining: More stories, opinions on controvercial topics, pictures, and probably a few recipes. :) I hope you all enjoy!
Much Love
-RoxiJane
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Sometimes you just need a kick in the ass...
If you are reading this (and you know who you are), then please do not take offense to what I'm saying. You know very well that I am much better at explaining myself in writing then I am in speaking. There are multiple reasons why I broke up with you.
College has changed me so much. It has been a change for the better, but still a change. And you are still in high school so you can't understand. I know you say that you are looking toward the future, but you're not. You don't care about school, you don't care about football, you don't care about getting a job... what do you care about? How am I supposed to concentrate on college myself if I feel like I constantly have to tell you to study. I am not your mother, but I feel like if I didn't do any of that, you would never make it to college. I am not your babysitter. Our maturity levels are so different right now and you are living in this fantasy where "oh we are gonna go to college together and I can't wait to marry you!" but that is all it is; a FANTASY. Do you actually realize what it is going to take for you to get to that point?? I am living with the reality that the next 4 years are going to define my life. I am practically living on my own. I have to start thinking about getting a career that will make me successful throughout my life. How am I supposed to feel comfortable with possibly marrying someone who can't even pass math models? I know you are smart. I know you could probably make an A in that class. The only problem is, you don't care. You don't care how successful you will be one day, you dont care if you will have a stable job one day, you don't care if you are going to be able to support your family one day or not. Because if you cared about any of that, I know you would be trying so much harder. But once again, its not real to you. If you want success and happiness, you need to work at it. And right now you aren't even close.
I understand that this is your first relationship, I was the same way in my first relationship. But you have to remember that this is not my first relationship. It is not just a game to me. I hate the word "clingy" but that is exactly what you are. I need space. I need to breathe. You need to realize that you can live without me. What happened to the guy that you were when we first met? The one who said "I will never be whipped" and "If you walk out, don't expect me to come after you". Look in the mirror. If I told you to jump, you would probably ask me how high. And I HATE that. I know it sounds cliche, but I need a man to take care of me. I don't want to take care of a boy.
And then comes the whole topic of hygene. Yes I know you take plenty of showers, but that isn't what I mean. I am talking about the burping. Yes, it was funny at first when you would burp and I would say "NICE!" But it has gotten to the point where all you ever do is burp. And it is gross. Do you really have to burp after drinking water?! And then to burp right in my face right before you kiss me? No thank you. I do not like that.
Then the lying. First of all I am still pretty convinced that you in fact did smoke weed that one time that I surprised you. But that isn't even what I am talking about. How stupid do you think I am? Do you really think I EVER believed that you had a badass mustang, and stole cars, and knew a guy that made special alcohol just for you? do you really think I believed that you had a rich uncle who had your huge dog and 3 super nice super rare cars? News flash: You are not a badass. I didn't like you because of that stuff. I liked you in spite of all of that stuff. And please for once in your life develop your own opinion! I don't even know who you are. All you ever do is agree with me and try to please me. No girl wants that. So why do you continue with the lies?
I know this is harsh, but these are the reasons I broke up with you. Not the sugar coated "I dont want to hurt you " reasons. The 100% truth reasons. I am telling you this because I DESPERATELY WANT TO BE WITH YOU but I can't if something doesn't change. The more you continue to do these things that I stated above, the more you push me away and the shittier of a girlfriend I become.
Reasons for my behavior in a fool proof list:
1. I don't want to talk to you- I don't want to talk to you because when you talk it is either to talk about your unrealistic fantasy about getting married and being rich (which is never going to happen since you dont try at anything), or the only thing that comes out of your mouth is a lie.
2. I don't want to kiss you because I am afraid you have either just burped, or are going to burp in my face.
3. I don't want to show you any affection because you are not mature enough to handle it. You think that we are one person. NO NO. I am one person, and you are one person. you need to mature up and straighten out your priorities.
4. I don't want you to hang out with my friends because all you ever do is make up these bogus lies that no one believes and it makes my friends think that you are nothing but a poser trying too hard to impress them and me.
again, I am not doing this to hurt you, I am doing this to make you realize why I am unhappy. And honestly I don't see you figuring any of these things out for a very long time, simply because you are still in high school, and well, that isn't your fault, but I can't be with you like this. We are two very different people now. I want it to work, but I don't know how it could. Please if you decide to develop your own opinion for once in your life, then by all means, PLEASE PROVE ME WRONG.
I love you... Always will.
College has changed me so much. It has been a change for the better, but still a change. And you are still in high school so you can't understand. I know you say that you are looking toward the future, but you're not. You don't care about school, you don't care about football, you don't care about getting a job... what do you care about? How am I supposed to concentrate on college myself if I feel like I constantly have to tell you to study. I am not your mother, but I feel like if I didn't do any of that, you would never make it to college. I am not your babysitter. Our maturity levels are so different right now and you are living in this fantasy where "oh we are gonna go to college together and I can't wait to marry you!" but that is all it is; a FANTASY. Do you actually realize what it is going to take for you to get to that point?? I am living with the reality that the next 4 years are going to define my life. I am practically living on my own. I have to start thinking about getting a career that will make me successful throughout my life. How am I supposed to feel comfortable with possibly marrying someone who can't even pass math models? I know you are smart. I know you could probably make an A in that class. The only problem is, you don't care. You don't care how successful you will be one day, you dont care if you will have a stable job one day, you don't care if you are going to be able to support your family one day or not. Because if you cared about any of that, I know you would be trying so much harder. But once again, its not real to you. If you want success and happiness, you need to work at it. And right now you aren't even close.
I understand that this is your first relationship, I was the same way in my first relationship. But you have to remember that this is not my first relationship. It is not just a game to me. I hate the word "clingy" but that is exactly what you are. I need space. I need to breathe. You need to realize that you can live without me. What happened to the guy that you were when we first met? The one who said "I will never be whipped" and "If you walk out, don't expect me to come after you". Look in the mirror. If I told you to jump, you would probably ask me how high. And I HATE that. I know it sounds cliche, but I need a man to take care of me. I don't want to take care of a boy.
And then comes the whole topic of hygene. Yes I know you take plenty of showers, but that isn't what I mean. I am talking about the burping. Yes, it was funny at first when you would burp and I would say "NICE!" But it has gotten to the point where all you ever do is burp. And it is gross. Do you really have to burp after drinking water?! And then to burp right in my face right before you kiss me? No thank you. I do not like that.
Then the lying. First of all I am still pretty convinced that you in fact did smoke weed that one time that I surprised you. But that isn't even what I am talking about. How stupid do you think I am? Do you really think I EVER believed that you had a badass mustang, and stole cars, and knew a guy that made special alcohol just for you? do you really think I believed that you had a rich uncle who had your huge dog and 3 super nice super rare cars? News flash: You are not a badass. I didn't like you because of that stuff. I liked you in spite of all of that stuff. And please for once in your life develop your own opinion! I don't even know who you are. All you ever do is agree with me and try to please me. No girl wants that. So why do you continue with the lies?
I know this is harsh, but these are the reasons I broke up with you. Not the sugar coated "I dont want to hurt you " reasons. The 100% truth reasons. I am telling you this because I DESPERATELY WANT TO BE WITH YOU but I can't if something doesn't change. The more you continue to do these things that I stated above, the more you push me away and the shittier of a girlfriend I become.
Reasons for my behavior in a fool proof list:
1. I don't want to talk to you- I don't want to talk to you because when you talk it is either to talk about your unrealistic fantasy about getting married and being rich (which is never going to happen since you dont try at anything), or the only thing that comes out of your mouth is a lie.
2. I don't want to kiss you because I am afraid you have either just burped, or are going to burp in my face.
3. I don't want to show you any affection because you are not mature enough to handle it. You think that we are one person. NO NO. I am one person, and you are one person. you need to mature up and straighten out your priorities.
4. I don't want you to hang out with my friends because all you ever do is make up these bogus lies that no one believes and it makes my friends think that you are nothing but a poser trying too hard to impress them and me.
again, I am not doing this to hurt you, I am doing this to make you realize why I am unhappy. And honestly I don't see you figuring any of these things out for a very long time, simply because you are still in high school, and well, that isn't your fault, but I can't be with you like this. We are two very different people now. I want it to work, but I don't know how it could. Please if you decide to develop your own opinion for once in your life, then by all means, PLEASE PROVE ME WRONG.
I love you... Always will.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Awkward.
Yes the title of this post actually has a significance for once! You must be so proud of me :) That new show on MTV called Awkward. is seriously the story of my life. I'm kind of addicted.
On a less random note, I've got freshman orientation tomorrow and I am super nervous. I'm not so good at meeting new people. I get really shy. Not to mention that it is finally gonna put everything into perspective for me and I'm going to start getting more and more nervous about college :( help.
In need of some reassurance...
-RoxiJane
On a less random note, I've got freshman orientation tomorrow and I am super nervous. I'm not so good at meeting new people. I get really shy. Not to mention that it is finally gonna put everything into perspective for me and I'm going to start getting more and more nervous about college :( help.
In need of some reassurance...
-RoxiJane
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Serious Snogging
Why do parents have to be such a pain in the ass? It's hard enough trying to figure out who I really am and what I am supposed to do with the rest of my life, but the pressure and added stresses that they are putting on me are driving me to my end. I move into my apartment in just a couple of weeks but right now I'm not sure if I will make it that long here. I am a slave to my own parents, and if i refuse to oblige by their every command, they can easily take away my possessions, my boyfriend, my friends, my apartment, my college, and ultimately my entire future. It feels like some fucked up form of legal blackmail.
God help me.
God help me.
Friday, July 8, 2011
Don't Worry, Be Happy!
So I was using StumbleUpon earlier today and I came across this. It made me smile so I decided to share it with y'all :) enjoy!
Five Important Lessons
1. First Important Lesson-"Knowing the Cleaning Lady"
During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions, until i read the last one: "What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"
Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50's, but how would i know her name? I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade.
"Absolutely," said the professor. "In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say 'hello'"
I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned that her name was Dorothy.
2. Second Important Lesson-"Pickup In The Rain"
One night, at 11:30 p.m., an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rainstorm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car.
A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960's. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab.
She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home.
A special note was attached. It read: "Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away. God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others.
Sincerely, Mrs. Nat King Cole."
3. Third Important Lesson-"Remember those who serve"
In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10 year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him. "How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked. "$0.50." replied the waitress.
The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it.
"Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired. By now more people were waiting for a table ad the waitress was growing impatient. "$0.35!" She brusquely replied.
The little boy again counted his coins. "I'll have the plain ice cream," he said. The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table, and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left.
When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickles and five pennies. You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough to leave her a tip.
4. Fourth Important Lesson-"The Obstacles In Our Path"
In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way.
Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand - "Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition."
5. Fifth Important Lesson-"Giving When It Counts"
Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare and serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year-old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and he asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister. I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying "Yes, I'll do it if it will save her."
As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheeks. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away?"
Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her.
Hope you all enjoyed that :) See? There are still good people in this world <3
Wishing everyone a wonderful weekend!
-RoxiJane
Five Important Lessons
1. First Important Lesson-"Knowing the Cleaning Lady"
During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions, until i read the last one: "What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"
Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50's, but how would i know her name? I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade.
"Absolutely," said the professor. "In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say 'hello'"
I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned that her name was Dorothy.
2. Second Important Lesson-"Pickup In The Rain"
One night, at 11:30 p.m., an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rainstorm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car.
A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960's. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab.
She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home.
A special note was attached. It read: "Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away. God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others.
Sincerely, Mrs. Nat King Cole."
3. Third Important Lesson-"Remember those who serve"
In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10 year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him. "How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked. "$0.50." replied the waitress.
The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it.
"Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired. By now more people were waiting for a table ad the waitress was growing impatient. "$0.35!" She brusquely replied.
The little boy again counted his coins. "I'll have the plain ice cream," he said. The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table, and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left.
When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickles and five pennies. You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough to leave her a tip.
4. Fourth Important Lesson-"The Obstacles In Our Path"
In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way.
Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand - "Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition."
5. Fifth Important Lesson-"Giving When It Counts"
Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare and serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year-old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and he asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister. I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying "Yes, I'll do it if it will save her."
As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheeks. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away?"
Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her.
Hope you all enjoyed that :) See? There are still good people in this world <3
Wishing everyone a wonderful weekend!
-RoxiJane
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Sexting ;D
Sorry I never got the Europe pics put up! As soon as I got back I had such a quick turn around and didn't have time :( and well now... I'm in Michigan until Saturday. I will upload the pics eventually I promise!
As for tonight, I'd like to take some time to talk about trust. I know what you're thinking; didn't she already have her rant about trust a few posts back? Well you're right. And that's only because trust is such a big thing to me. I will try not to be repetitive.
Last time I believe I talked about how you only get one chance at trust. I'd like to change that. Yes I know, certain situations are different. But if you screw up once, wouldn't you want to be told what you did wrong so that you could fix it first? In that case, people do deserve a second chance. However, when they fuck that second chance up, they better work their butt's off to fix it. It is like telling a child I know you didn't know any better this time, but if you steal another dollar from mommy's purse, you will be grounded. You gave the child a second chance. But odds are the next day, another dollar will go missing from your purse. It is all about communication. That's right, communication.
Communication-the imparting or exchanging of information or news.
The reason I italicized exchanging, is because it takes at least 2 people to exchange. In the scenario with the child, you may have told the child everything you should have, but who's to say that the child actually listened? It takes two to communicate and that's where the problem lies. You can rant on and on all day and night, but if the other person doesn't really listen, you will just have a repeat of the exact same situation. They will steal your dollar again.
Now how exactly does communication relate to trust? Well with relationships especially (and I'm talking any relationship, not just boyfriend and girlfriend) trust and communication go side by side. You trust the other person to communicate things to you. Hypothetically, if person A felt like he/she had to keep secrets from person B, there is a communication issue right there. Now if person B figured out that person A was keeping things from them, and calmly told them I don't care what you're doing or who you're with! As long as you just tell me :) then if person A was really listening, he/she would realize that the reason that they are with person B is because they know they can trust each other and tell each other everything. PROBLEM SOLVED... except in the case where person A didn't actually listen to person B, and decides to keep hiding things from them. That's when person B is going to get upset. REALLY upset. Person A broke person B's trust because he/she could not COMMUNICATE with person B.
TRUST=COMMUNICATION.
COMMUNICATION=TRUST
END OF STORY.
As for tonight, I'd like to take some time to talk about trust. I know what you're thinking; didn't she already have her rant about trust a few posts back? Well you're right. And that's only because trust is such a big thing to me. I will try not to be repetitive.
Last time I believe I talked about how you only get one chance at trust. I'd like to change that. Yes I know, certain situations are different. But if you screw up once, wouldn't you want to be told what you did wrong so that you could fix it first? In that case, people do deserve a second chance. However, when they fuck that second chance up, they better work their butt's off to fix it. It is like telling a child I know you didn't know any better this time, but if you steal another dollar from mommy's purse, you will be grounded. You gave the child a second chance. But odds are the next day, another dollar will go missing from your purse. It is all about communication. That's right, communication.
Communication-the imparting or exchanging of information or news.
The reason I italicized exchanging, is because it takes at least 2 people to exchange. In the scenario with the child, you may have told the child everything you should have, but who's to say that the child actually listened? It takes two to communicate and that's where the problem lies. You can rant on and on all day and night, but if the other person doesn't really listen, you will just have a repeat of the exact same situation. They will steal your dollar again.
Now how exactly does communication relate to trust? Well with relationships especially (and I'm talking any relationship, not just boyfriend and girlfriend) trust and communication go side by side. You trust the other person to communicate things to you. Hypothetically, if person A felt like he/she had to keep secrets from person B, there is a communication issue right there. Now if person B figured out that person A was keeping things from them, and calmly told them I don't care what you're doing or who you're with! As long as you just tell me :) then if person A was really listening, he/she would realize that the reason that they are with person B is because they know they can trust each other and tell each other everything. PROBLEM SOLVED... except in the case where person A didn't actually listen to person B, and decides to keep hiding things from them. That's when person B is going to get upset. REALLY upset. Person A broke person B's trust because he/she could not COMMUNICATE with person B.
TRUST=COMMUNICATION.
COMMUNICATION=TRUST
END OF STORY.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
nein!!
so for today it will just be easier to copy and post the email i sent to my boyfriend for yall. i cant upload pics yet because there is no memory card reader here. so here goes.
so today was beautiful and you know what? this keyboard is pissing me off because the z and the y are switched so from now on everytime i type a z it means y and vice versa. haha so todaz we went on the guided bus tour and i got so manz amaying photos! it is so beautiful here but we walked around for several hours afterwards again so mz feet are killin me. some random guz started following our group and the tour guide had to tell him to go awaz lol. i had some turkish food for lunch which was amaying and then for dinner we had something called currzworst. everzone had to eat it and i think thats what i got sick from. ugh. serious stomach problems right now. fml. but the weather is great. it switches from warm to cold about everz 10 minutes haha so its kinda nice. we saw the hotel that michael jackson was at when he hung the babz over the edge hahahahaaha. our tour guide for the bus tour was sooo funnz. apparentlz berlin is the gazest citz in the world hha. ill explain that when i get home. it has to do with nayis hehe. the teacher that we came with is soooo annozing though. she is so stupid. i had to tell her where to go at least 12 times todaz. zeah. me with the directional issues had to tell her where to go. theres something not right about that lol. and she onlz cares about what she wants to do and she wont let us go off on our own so we have to follow her everzwhere. she treats us like we are 10. ugh. please have fun and if anz girls give zou a hard time lemme know and ill take care of them ;) haha including rachel! ha! so anzwaz have fun at zour grill thing. i cant even describe how much i miss zou right now. i love zou so much. please text me as much as possible! i love it!
love,
zour girlfriend and future wifez :)
ps. onlz 8 more dazs until i can be in zour arms again. i miss zou sweetheart.
love,
zour girlfriend and future wifez :)
ps. onlz 8 more dazs until i can be in zour arms again. i miss zou sweetheart.
ill try again with the pics tomorrow.
goodnight guys :)
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